Maximum Risk

“You’ve gotten a lot harder since you went away.”

Overall VD Rating: 7

Directed by Ringo Lam, the notorious director of In Hell, this movie was surprising in it’s ability to not suck. There was literal boot to face; there was a towel fight between titans of Greek Adonis proportions, and there was Natasha Henstridge looking painfully beautiful. Though, even when she’s not trying to eat men alive she still has an oddly disturbing predatory look about her.

JCVD Exposure: 7

The movie starts with him running; it’s really an excellent way to begin things. Furthermore, at one point he is wet, naked, and fighting. That’s a trifecta of hotness right there. Also, the excellent decision to make him French instead of from Louisiana allowed for his acting skills to shine; he wasn’t expected to be a cocky American, which JCVD has shown time and time again he simply doesn’t do well. Instead he was a quiet, understated, ass-kicking marksman from France. Totally believable. He cries in this one as well, though this time it is over his dead brother instead of his dead wife. JCVD is always crying over a dead somebody.

On the plus side there was sexy time in a bathroom while crooked FBI agents were outside the door. What we have proven here is that sex is best when your life is in danger. And with JCVD.

He is also the master of the “I’m gonna kick your ass” face. Hot.

Unfortunately there was also naked accordion playing by an old man--not hot.

JCVD Boot to Face: 7

There was, as stated above, a moment when JCVD’s boot literally met somebody’s face. We’ve never seen a more beautiful expression of JCVD’s abilities. The fighting was both well executed and entertaining. This was an action movie not a martial arts movie, but it balances itself well, making good use of JCVD’s fighting skills and things that go BOOM!

Also, there was the towel fight. JCVD meets the Russian mob and he ends up in a towel in a sweat room...cause that’s what happens when you meet the Russian mob. This paves the way, however, for a Russian muscle man who was also beautiful, to fight JCVD--each in a towel only, and each glistening with sweat. Cause they were in a sweat room. Well done Ringo, well done. We should mention the actors were placed in towel-like diapers to prevent unintentional ball shots while kicking; we felt that was a breaking of trust between the movie and the viewer.

The Effect of Others on JCVD’s Awesomeness: 7

Natasha Henstridge was stupid beautiful. We both agree she’s better with blond hair (they gave her reddish brown hair for this film) but she is, by far, the most attractive female JCVD has played opposite. She also created a believable, entertaining character that didn’t just scream and whine her way through the movie. We both said thank you. She demonstrated an independence and kinkiness that was hot, without crossing over into sketchy evilness like Lionheart or Double Impact.

The Russians were also entertaining in this movie.

JCVD lesson: Do not waste time on parlay when it comes to the Russian mob. Kick first, ask questions later.

There was also a nice change from the sax music of the late 80’s to guitar music signifying tender emotions. In some ways this is the best part about leaving the 80’s behind.

Overall this movie was a nice surprise. Well written--there were unexpected meta-theatrical moments involving the writer cab driver and the Russian mob boss reading Crime and Punishment, and well acted--JCVD is simply better when not attempting American sarcasm. It’s the John Wayne hero archetype that he cannot pull off; just let the man be a European butt kicker.

We would like to offer our apologies to the South of France and all street vendors. They were totally destroyed in the making of this movie.