This is the part of the JCVD Project that we all knew was coming but dreaded anyway. We even said it in our Mission Statement: self discovery and all that. But when I embarked on this little project, it never occurred to me that I would self discover my inappropriate attractions to such a degree.
First there was Dolph in Universal Soldier. Now, we can all agree that Dolph is a very attractive man, but he wears a necklace of ears around his neck in that movie. Ears. If anything should turn a person off I would think it a necklace of ears would be in the top three. Not me, though, oh no; sure, I knew I wasn’t supposed to be attracted. I knew it wasn’t healthy to be attracted. But you show me a topless Dolph Lundgren, even a crazy ear-necklace wearing Dolph Lundgren, and a small part of me can’t help but react. The sad thing is the mullet in Masters of the Universe does successfully repulse me; so do I be happy I’m appropriately turned off by mullets or sad that ear-necklaces don’t get the job done?
Then there are all the countless times Mr. JCVD himself gets strung up in his movies. Usually his arms are chained above his head and he’s beat up, hosed down, or beat up then hosed down. Again--his being tortured should not be hot and yet...there I sit, quietly, desperately hoping that Kate won’t notice my inappropriate attractions (and she always does, the wanker).
Finally there was Ninja Assassin. There will be a guest blog on this movie, probably very soon, but I have to talk about it a little bit here to make my point. Luckily for me Raizu is a good guy--he doesn’t kill innocent people...anymore. Unluckily for me Raizu does kill fellow ninjas, quite gruesomely, without a second glance. Now on the one hand a person could consider my latest obsession a healthier one as he is the hero of the story. But, I’m still slightly disturbed by my romantic predilections because rogue ninja or not, Raizu is one very dangerous, very broken man.
And so we come to the point of this revealing, embarrassing, disheartening revelation about what I’m looking for in a man: how do we, as viewers, tell the difference between fantasies that are harmless to engage in and fantasies that we should fight against with every breath of our existence?
I assume (and I don’t think I’m wrong in assuming this) that were I to meet a young, shirtless Dolph Lundgren with a necklace of ears around his neck I would not react with breathless anticipation. I assume (and please please PLEASE let me be right about this) that I would run the other way as fast as my chubby little legs would let me. I also assume that there is no context within which another human being might suffer genuine distress that I could find arousing.
But, moving away from the literal here, how do I make sure that the qualities in these examples that appeal to me--craziness and brokenness primarily--aren’t dictating my choices and decisions in my everyday interactions? Specifically it isn’t about the ears; the ears aren’t hot. But it is about Dolph portraying a character that is so delightfully crazy; there’s an independence in that sort of insanity I find appealing. What I worry about (and why we’re having this little conversation) is that by indulging my enjoyment of that independence I lessen my ability to recognize acceptable and unacceptable insanity in the real world.
I think, and please correct me if I’m wrong here, that the more time one engages in unacceptable fantasies the more likely it is the reality of those fantasies--painful, broken, destructive realities--will be accepted as appropriate relationship material. But, and this does point to at least some remnants of mental stability left in this crooked brain of mine, my sheer disgust of the character in Desert Heat demonstrates that it isn’t about looks. If it were a purely physical thing it wouldn’t matter what character JCVD played, I would accept it whole cloth every time. We know from our project that it matters very much which character JCVD plays; he is significantly more attractive in Nowhere to Run than Desert Heat. Hell, he’s more attractive in Hard Target than Desert Heat--though again, mullets are not an easy thing to get over.
Looks can’t be discounted, however; I find the Joker fascinating, but have no sexual attraction to him. It could be argued, therefore, that I find Dolph Lundgren attractive but have no sexual attraction for his character in Universal Soldier. That would be significantly unique for me as it almost always the characters I enjoy, not the actors (despite this little project) but if it were the man and not the character in the case of Universal Soldier at least I wouldn’t have to feel so bad about my libido. And it is also possible that were I in a more discerning state of mind while watching all of these movies I would be able to distinguish between appreciation and attraction; I appreciate the beauty of the actor versus the lack of attraction for the character.
Whatever the case, and the truth might be far more disturbing than has even been glossed on here, I bring this up because I worry sometimes that our joking attention to JCVD’s hotness could be confused with a serious equating of beauty and worth. I don’t think anyone needs me to point out that we value physical beauty primarily in our society, but as I consider the moments in my life where I allow physical beauty to over rule good sense it creates a dialogue in my head where I start to question why I am attracted to the things I am. And I would argue this is an important questioning to engage in.
If one is attracted to independence and unpredictability that’s not a bad thing--unless said independence and unpredictability take the form of a crazy man wearing a necklace of ears. Then you have to ask yourself the question, what is it about independence and unpredictability that really attracts me?
If one is attracted to vulnerability and mental anguish that’s slightly sketchy in general--what is it about a man whose emotionally broken and unable to engage in a healthy, stable relationship that myself (and millions of other women) find appealing in theory? If there is a legitimate possibility he will kill you while you sleep (Phantom from Phantom of the Opera) or leave you and never come back (rogue ninja) or will never be able to function in society without you (Luc from Universal Soldier) then there is a serious problem there. None of those things should be sexy.
And yet they are. But only in fantasy. In reality they are scary, destructive, and suffocating. At least that’s what I tell myself every day.
Seriously, though, I think it is as important to know why you are attracted to the things you are as it is not to feed the fantasies that might encourage dehumanizing others. It’s not fair to yourself or others to create inhuman or unhealthy expectations of someone and might lead to an unintentional, but still destructive, objectification of them.
I’m not gonna lie--it’s a serious pain in my ass to be an ethical, moral individual. Self awareness is so overrated.
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